Trapped

Have you ever felt trapped? Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you work to make people proud and happy you just seem to always do something wrong. It almost feels like you are a butterfly trapped in a jar and you just can't seem to get out. You do everything you are told but you still disappoint. Sometimes you just want to run as fast as you can and as far as you can. What do you do when you feel trapped? You continue to try and get out and hope that one day you will be free. And that one day you will do something right.

A Friend

First off I just want to start by saying hello and I hope that you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving. I am sorry that I haven't written in a while. I also want to say thank you to those of you who are listening. I hope that you are learning somethings from me. I try to write when I discover a new lesson or learned something new and it so happens that this week I learned many new things.  This world can be cruel and you have to fight to survive in it. Usually you have people in your life that are there with you to help you stand up after you have fallen. Well at least in my case, I have my family who is always there as support watching me play the game of life. They sit in the side lines cheering me on letting me know that everything is alright. But you always need someone else. Someone your age going through the same process that you are. You need a friend that you can trust. A friend that will be there with you even when it gets hard. You need someone who will listen to you and be there to hug you when you feel like giving up. Sometimes you just need a person who will come in the middle of the night with Oreo cookies to watch a movie with you just because.  Sometimes you just need a friend. You don't ask that friend for anything other than he/she give you a little bit of love and trust. All you ask is for that friend to listen to your cry of help. You don't know what a person is feeling unless you talk to them and ask them. So don't assume you know what troubles others are going through. Don't go around doing dysfunctional rescuing. I'm  going to end this piece by saying that if you do have a best friend whom you trust with all your heart cherish them because they are really hard to find.

Failure

Failure. It is a word that scares me to death. My whole life I have worked hard to achieve success. As a young child, I was always told that if I worked hard I would never fail. I am the student that gives 110% to all my work. If  I need help I will find the tutoring I need and study for hours even go days without sleep. If I have a project or an idea in mind I am the type of person that will get up in the middle of the night just to write my idea down. I never failed in anything when it came to academics. I was the student that was always on top. Being on top can sometimes get very lonely. No one realizes the sacrifices that I have to go through. It's not easy staying on the top. Everyday having to fight to prove that I am worthy enough. People judging me not taking the time to ask me Why? Why do you work so hard, what is your drive? Because failure was never an option when I was young. Failure mean't that I had done something wrong. I had to bring home those straight A's that is how my success was measured. Now, that I have grown up I realized that this drive to succeed all the time can become a challenge. Recently, I was asked what happens if you fail? And I wasn't sure what to respond because failure in my mind isn't an option. However, I was given a great answer to that question. I was told if you fail you get back up. Nothing happens if you fail other than having to try again. My eyes were opened up to the idea that failure will happen in life and when it does I need to be ready to face it without fear. I will fail but that doesn't mean that I won't succeed.

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."-Thomas A. Edison

Hopeless Romantic

Do you ever just feel like you are never going to find love that you are going to end up being alone with 5 or 6 cats? Well, I don't know if you feel this way but sometimes I do. I try to tell myself that one day I will find the one, that one day I will experience true love, and that someone out there is waiting for me to love him for the rest of my life. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic I can't help but dream about love. At my age, I shouldn't be worrying about finding love but of finishing school and getting a job. I am still very young and love will eventually come but I can't help but dream. I can't help but sit on a park bench looking at the sky and sighing hoping that love comes. I know that this seems like a crazy idea but I like to think that someone will one day sweep me off my feet. Well, today I just thought that I share with you my hopeless romantic ideas with this video. Who know's maybe love is closer than I think???

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."  - Dr. Seuss.

Unconditional Love

Muneca

It was an autumn day like any other in California. Orange leaves were falling off the trees, the sun was shining brightly, and the wind was blowing softly. The school bus had just dropped me off two blocks away from my home.  It was just another after-school day in my 8 year old life. I was to walk home, eat a snack, and do my homework just like I did everyday.

As I walked down the path, I could see the white picket fence that surrounded my little blue house and my mom’s red roses peeking through the top. I could also smell dinner being made. There was a strong aroma of white rice and beans that floated through the air and hit my nose, making my stomach grumble. My nose began to lead me through the path home in a faster pace.

 As I reached the fence, to my house, a great sadness came over me. It hit me so hard that I began to shake and salty tears started to fall down my face. I couldn’t hear the welcoming barks of Princessa. The whole neighborhood stood quiet. It wasn’t until I got closer to the house that I realized this wasn’t a day like any other. I was missing the most important part of my after-school routine and that was the loud excited bark and tail wagging of my best friend Princessa as I entered the gate. It hit me, my best friend was gone, and she was never coming back. A week earlier, a car had hit Princessa and in a matter of a moment she was yanked from my life. How was I to survive without her by my side?

Princessa had been in my life since I was 5years old. I had rescued her from a shelter. I knew she would mean so much to me from the first time I laid eyes on her. Her whole body trembled in excitement as she saw me pass her cage and she gave me a stare that said, “I will always love you no matter what.” I couldn’t possibly leave her in that shelter so that day I took her home and she became my angel from above. Whenever I felt sad or mad, she would jump on my lap, lick my salty tears, and give me a little smirk that reassured me everything would be okay. I knew she loved me with all her might. I could feel it as she cuddled in my lap. I could see it in her eyes. Today, as I entered my home she was gone. She wasn’t there to reassure me or to give me a smirk that calmed me down. I finally managed to get myself together and walked up the stairs that led to my porch.

I reached for the door but before I could open it I was greeted by a surprise. There before my eyes was a little bald, white dog, with big bulging eyes staring at me confused and afraid. My first reaction was to get mad at my mother. She wanted to replace Princessa. How could she do this to Princessa and me? My mother knew that I was still in pain and that I didn’t want another dog. No other dog could replace Princessa and her love towards me. I sat down on the stairs and once again my body began to shake and I began to sob hysterically.

While I sobbed uncontrollably, the little bald dog started to make her way towards me. She sat on my lap, began to lick my tears, and wagged her tail so hard I thought it was going to fall off. I looked up at her and she gave me the same smirk that Princessa used to give me when I felt sad. I knew that Princessa and God had sent me an angel that would help me get through the pains of life. I named her Muneca, which means doll because she gave me the comfort that a doll gives a young child. Till this day, 12 years later, Muneca continues to be in my life giving me unconditional love.

“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.”  ~Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912

Feeling Hungry A New Feeling

   Yesterday, I had a very stressful day in school and I learned a great lesson that I thought I should share with you.  I also came to a great realization. I was very hungry so I decided that I was going to go get a sandwich to eat. I walked to the sandwich store and ordered my food. I gave the cashier my card, like usual, and I waited for him to give it back to me and say thank you. As he gave me the card he said “I’m sorry it was declined you only have $4 so it didn’t go through.” I began to panic not knowing what had happened. This morning I had money on my card. I felt a little embarrassed too because I had no money to pay for my food. I have never felt this overwhelmed in my life and so powerless. I called my bank and they told me that I had been charged a $30 maintenance fee this afternoon and that’s why my card was at $4. I was very upset because no one ever mentioned to me that I would get charged a fee. The lady on the phone told me that it was in small prints on the contract I had signed. The lady who made my contract told me that I didn’t have to worry about fees but I shouldn’t have believed her.  I didn’t read the print carefully and therefore I was put in a very uncomfortable situation.  I want to remind every single one of you to make sure you read every part of contracts that you sign but I also want to open up your eyes to something else.

 Money is very important in this society. If you do not have money you cannot eat or afford the luxuries of life such as a nice home to live in. I began to think about those who have to live every day with the reality that they do not have enough money for food. For the first time ever, I felt hungry and I didn’t have money to solve my problem. It was the worst feeling in the world and I realized that this is something that many people go through and that I’m very lucky.  I went home got money put it in my card and just like that I have the ability to get food and not feel hungry but what about those who aren’t as lucky as I? They won’t be able to go home and get money to get food because many of them don’t have a home. We need to realize that those of us who have never felt hunger haven’t faced the pain of real life problems like poverty.

Words of Advice

Today, as I sat in class,  I learned a  few very important lessons from my professor Dan Owusu and I thought I should share it with you. Life is full of struggles and there are many times when you want to give up. You are put in situations where you need to speak up for yourself and not allow others to bring you down. The struggles of life do not define who you are and who you will become. As humans we have the ability to overcome the many obstacles of life. Many times I allow others to step over my dreams. I allow people to tell me that I can't achieve what I want to achieve. I let these people get in my way and at points I believe that they might be right but there not. I will face many people in life that want to see me fail. I will face many situations where someone will not cooperate with me and my ideas. I will face situations where my dreams are seen as a child's fantasy but that will not make me stop. What I am trying to tell you is that we all struggle at one point or another. We all face obstacles that seem hard to overcome and we all have had our dreams crushed. I just want you to know that we will be alright. We will be able to overcome all our struggles because we are strong. Never allow anyone to define who you are and what you will become. Smile and keep moving on.

Ninth Ward

Love??

As I rode the train today, I thought about love.  I sat their thinking will I ever find the one? Now, I know this may sound cheesy but I am pretty sure that a lot of single ladies and gentlemen think about love and finding the right one. We have all watched romantic movies where at the end love always perseveres and the couple lives happily ever after. No one want to be alone forever. Now, as I dreamed about my prince charming I came to a realization. I came to the realization that I wasn't sure what love was? I began to think and think and I just couldn't come up with a clear definition. Then I remembered my media classes and began to draw a conclusion. My definition/idea of love is what I have seen in media. Media has created this image in my head of what love should look like and feel like. I like to think that I am smart enough to not let media influence my thoughts because I am a communication student but I realized that like many people in America and around the world I have fallen victim of media. Media makes love seem like a wonderful experience where a man and woman go through hardships but at the end love conquers all. I don't know if it's true because I don't know if I ever have been in love but I think that love is more complex than that. Now, you may be asking yourself why is she writing about love and media? As I sat there in the train, I couldn't help but think to myself if anybody knew the real definition of love? How do you determine if you are in love? Is love a physical attraction, emotional, or both? Media has created this image of love in our heads that is impossible for most people to come up with their own definition of love. I guess my question is what is love and will we ever know a true definition of it? Or like my proffesor said " How do we know that it is real?"

Any one there?

I know that I haven't written in a while. I took a break from writing but today as I sat in my computer I thought about this blog. I wondered if anyone actually missed reading my stories and learning from my experiences. I'm not really sure if anyone reads this blog or not but I hoped that someone out there actually did gain something from reading my stories, stories that I lived and experienced. I started to think a lot about the our society. We all walk around with our headphones and technology on hands that we forget there are others around us. We never stop and listen or pay attention to anyone but ourselves. So as I sat in front of my computer i wondered is anyone there? Is anybody listening to me? Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you even if you aren't making any sense. You need to know that someone out there cares and that they feel the same way as you do. Life goes by really fast and before you know it your life disappears. You become a memory. So maybe instead of ignoring the person next to you, you should say hello. A simple hello can become the salvation of someone who yearns a listening ear. So one more time I'll ask is anybody there? Are you listening?

Theater: My Salvation

Me as Tracy Turnblad my senior year at Chelsea High School.

I have always had this passion for performing arts. All my life I have dreamed of being a super famous Broadway actress. I know of course this is very unlikely to happen but it is something that I just dream. Since, I know that becoming a famous actress was nearly impossible I started to use my performing arts skills to help my community. The first thing I did was work as an actor instructor for ELL students. Through performing arts, I was able to get these students to feel comfortable with themselves and with their abilities. I then moved on to hosting karaoke and talent shows at nursing homes. Performing arts brought a little bit of cheer to the life of patients living at the nursing homes. My whole life has revolved around theater. Theater was my way out of hard situations and believe me when I say I have lived through a lot. It wasnt easy moving from one state to another. I left everything and everyone I knew to start fresh. Theater was the only thing that saved me from losing myself and hope in this world. Theater allowed me to be anyone that I wanted to be. I could travel to any world without any fear. For one moment in my life I could be anyone and do anything without fear of being critized or failing. Now you might be wondering why I am writing about this and what the heck does this have to do with service to the world? Well I guess what im trying to say is that sometimes something as simple as a dance and song can be enough to get a great message across. Your passion can be used to inspire a world of good. I also wrote this blog because I am finally getting the chance to change lives with performing arts and I needed to tell someone that im afraid. I have been given this excellent opportunity to teach performing arts to children that may never have the chance to experience theater because of economic status and I am afraid of failing. In my hands I have the opportinity to teach children valuable lessons but im afraid. I just need to know that someone else feels the same way. I need to hear that it will be okay. I have to trust in my abilities but when all your life you have been told you are too young to make a change in this world it is hard. What are you supposed to do but panic and be afraid?

Beauty of Earth

This past two weeks have been  rough with finals around the corner. I started to think a lot about life and about how sometimes we just don't enjoy the beauty of nature. I started to think about how we destroy nature and its beautiful gifts. It is sad that we do not take care of this beautiful planet. I then started to think what can we do to make sure that this planet lives on for our children? Well the answer is pretty simple. We need to make sure that we are recycling, turning off the water when we are not using it, picking up our trash, making sure that we do not kill innocent animals. Small changes like these will make a huge difference in us preserving the beauty of our Earth. We need to take the time observe nature and you will see how beautiful it is. Recently, I went to the park and took a couple of shots of nature and you would be amazed to see the beauty that I saw. So, I put this video here for you to remind you that we need to take care of this planet. We can't just sit back and watch our planet die. Do anything!!! This planet is what gives us life.

New Orleans Video

Hello everyone here is the link to my video. I hope that you watch it and see the love that I have for New Orleans and can see the passion I have for volunteering. Before leaving to this trip,

I had lost my hope for humanity. The violence that surrounded us had me disappointed but when I

went to New Orleans I found humanity back. There are some amazing people in 

the world inspiring good.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=570905882941929&set=vb.100000675685967&type=2&theater

New Orleans Learning Experience

Me working on the house.

Hello everyone,
just wanted to let you know that I am posting a couple of clips of places that I visited when I did my New Orleans service learning trip. I will be posting the whole video soon these are just a few sneak peeks.  New Orleans was one of the best volunteer experiences that I had. I learned so much about myself and New Orleans. This trip made me realize how much need there is out in our world.

My house-group.

Mardi Gras Colors

Shell Beach

Brown Pelican

Cookies,Cookies, and More Cookies:Girl Scouts

Two of my Girls Scout members and I selling cookies.

    I always wanted to be a Girl Scout when I was a little girl but I never had the chance. So, when my best friend from college, Emily, asked me to assist her to run a Girl Scouts troop I rapidly agreed. I had one month to learn everything that I needed to be a Girl Scout leader. I knew that it would take a lot of hard work and dedication and I was ready for my new adventure. Emily and I became the Girl Scouts leaders of troop 85317 located in Mattapan Community Center and we both couldn't be more excited. Every other Monday, Emily and I would ride two buses and one train to be able to get to our troop or as Emily's mom put it an airplane ride, two buses, and a boat ride.Many times I felt like giving up because I was physically and mentally exhausted from school work and work. When I felt like giving up, all I had to do was remember the girls and their faces when they saw Emily and I walk through the doors. These girls look up to us. We are their role models and I wouldn't allow myself to disappoint them. Through rain and snow we took the long and tiring trip to Mattapan. Being a Girl Scout, I've learned brings a lot of responsibility. The biggest responsibility that is given to a Girl Scout is selling cookies. When cookie season arrived Emily had prepared me so well that I could name the ingredients of every cookie. I was ready to teach the girls the skills needed to be great cookie sellers.  All you really need when you are a five year old selling cookies is a big smile, a big happy "Good-morning" and "Thank You".
       The girls became professional at being confident when selling their cookies. The hardest part of being a Girl Scout Leader is that you have to pick up all this cookies.  Where are you supposed to put 50 boxes of cookies? I thought that it was going to be impossible but we made it happen. We did struggle at times but that didn't make us give up. Emily and I lugged boxes and boxes of cookies up the stairs to store them for the girls but we didn't mind. We knew that this hard work would pay off when we saw our smiling confident girls. We had a total of two cookie booth sales one at Wheelock and the other one at a Stop and Shop located near Mattapan Community Center. The girls had a blast selling these cookies and they showed us that they could work hard. All the girls made Emily and I so proud to be their Girl Scout leaders.  The cookie season came to an end and as much as I love cookies I couldn't be more happier. It is hard to stay away from the deliciousness of Girl Scouts cookies and I had too many boxes that I had already eaten. The most important lesson that I have learned from being a volunteer at Girls Scout is to never give up. Sometimes you feel that there is just no point in continuing but trust me when I say there always is a point. I know that life is hard and stressful but it is all worth it at the end. Have faith and you will presevere.

Two of our Girl Scout troop members and Emily.

Cry for Help: Taste Of Chelsea

Ledia Koco,Sary Morales, and I posing with one of the restaurant owners who participated in the event.

      So where do we begin? I have a lot of stories to share with you but finding the right one to begin with is very hard. I want to take you back to my childhood and relate it to my volunteer experience with Taste of Chelsea. It will help you understand why this volunteer experience in particular was one of the most important for me. Taste of Chelsea is a big event held in the city of Chelsea every year where restaurants from the local community come together to raise money and awareness of domestic violence. It is sponsored by the Chelsea Chamber of Commerce and HarborCOV. I volunteered in this event for very personal reasons that I will share with you. So, lets travel back in time to when I was a child.
      As a child, I witnessed domestic abuse. I lived in California in a little blue house with a rose garden that my mother had planted surrounded by a white gate. Next door to us lived a man and his wife. The woman was a very nice woman and she would always give my sisters, brother, and I lollipops. Every time she came out of the house she had a big smile on her face but great sadness in her eyes. I knew that there was something wrong with her. Every night, I could hear her cries of sadness and her pleading for help as her husband beat her. Every time I heard her crying or screaming, I would close my eyes and ears hoping that the pain would go away. I was young but I knew she was suffering and there was nothing I could do to help her.One day I sat outside and watched her as she sat on her porch.The sun shone on her beautiful pale skin and her beautiful black hair blew with the wind.Salty tears began to fall from my eyes and my body began to shake. I was sad for her and mad at her husband. How could he beat such a kind hearted woman? One day as I was coming back from school my neighbor was at her porch with her luggage. She was leaving and never coming back. I admired her strength and courage and was happy that she was leaving the abusive relationship. That day I watched her drive away and I never saw her again. She thought she was alone but I was there listening to her cry for help. As I grew up, I wanted to make sure that I kept this experience as a lesson of strength and determination. I wanted to make sure that her story would not be repeated. So, when I heard of Taste of Chelsea I rapidly offered to volunteer.
       Taste of Chelsea was a volunteer service that I could relate to. I know that pain of seeing someone be abused in front of your eyes and the helplessness felt in not being able to do something about it. Taste of Chelsea was a volunteer experience in where I had the power to raise awareness of such a horrible problem that many families face. I had the power to help end the cycle of abuse and it was the most amazing feeling. I was no longer the silent voice. At this event, I learned the stories of women who were killed by their partner. They weren't as fortunate as my neighbor. That day I put on my orange shirt (which is a color that totally does not suit me) and ran around helping the restaurants set up. It was empowering to be able to help make a difference. Now, that I have told you my story I hope you are able to see why this experience as a volunteer in particular was so important to me. I hope that you are inspired to get up from your computer and go see what you can do to change the world for good. Everything counts when it comes to creating change.

For more information on Taste of Chelsea visit:
http://harborcov.org/tasteofchelsea/